Our Frugal Non-Consumer Wedding

So, I got married recently!

I'm still reeling with the joy and excitement of the event.  I'm probably a little biased, but I think it was probably the most fun wedding I've ever been to (and I have attended quite a few).  It helps that David and I have been together for a very long time, and we know each other's families quite well, and most of the guests also knew each other very well -- so it absolutely had the atmosphere of a huge party.

I could talk on and on about how awesome everything was, but I wanted to take a couple minutes to share some of the non-consumer touches.  Part of what made the day so special for me was just how very "us" it was, and that includes the way it conformed to our values as a couple.  Hopefully any other soon-to-be brides and grooms out there can get some inspiration from our experiences!

Our Vision

So going into this thing, we laid out a few ground rules.  We wanted to keep it affordable, we wanted to prioritize food and fun to make sure everybody had a great time, and we wanted to be sure that everything reflected us as a couple -- both our passions and our values.  I'm an atheist and he comes from a devout religious background, so we blended that with a secular ceremony and a prayer from his father and a reading from my mom that would honor my family's ethnic heritage (Irish, French, Cherokee). Because I'm a writer, it was important to me that I write my own vows, and David stepped up to write his as well although he was very nervous about it. 

It was also super important to me that, as much as possible, we kept things organic, local, fair-trade, etc. without breaking our budget.  So with that in mind...

The Venue

David and I are foodies, and food was our #1 priority.  So with that in mine, we chose to get married at a restaurant that offered a full-service wedding package.  This simplified the planning a lot because the wedding and reception were all in one place, with one set of vendors to work with.  It also made budgeting easier: They charged a flat fee per guest, so managing the guest list automatically kept the price in check.

The specific restaurant we chose won out for two reasons: the food was delicious, and the place was gorgeous.  Choosing a beautiful venue saved us a lot of time, effort and money on decorations.  We just had to put up a few center pieces and decorating was done.  If you're in the planning stages, I seriously recommend that you put some thought into choosing a place that's meaningful and beautiful all on its own.  Everything else will fall into place easily from there.

The Rings

I made it clear early in our relationship that I was not a fan of diamonds.  Aside from the ethical concerns, I just don't like the look of them and I can't see the point in paying a huge sum of money for a piece of jewelry.  We both wanted something unique and beautiful without the cost.

We shopped together on Etsy and found a handcrafted copper and peridot engagement ring, as well as a pair of matching copper wedding bands.  They're totally "us" and very unique and comfortable.  Altogether, the three rings cost us around $150 (including the cost of resizing his band, which turned out to be a little small when it arrived).

The Attire

 Since we were getting married outside in August heat in New Mexico, we wanted clothes that would be comfortable and not too formal.  We opted to put the groomsmen in just shirtsleeves and suspenders, a look I've always thought was timeless and adorable.  The groom wore a shirt and vest, no jacket.  We actually found a great vest in a thrift store for $12 but it was too small and we weren't able to get alterations done in time.  We opted instead to just rent one for $60.

For the girls, I asked all of my bridesmaids what dresses they already owned and put together a mix-and-match ensemble based on that.  I figured it would be criminal to force any of my fellow strapped-for-cash ladies into buying a dress they'd only wear once, and we were such a diverse group of body types that no single style would have suited us all anyway.  It worked out perfectly that we had black, blue and purple -- it created a sort of ombre effect and really allowed everyone to show of their strengths.

My dress took a bit of searching.  I briefly considered doing the "say yes to the dress" experience and trying on a bunch of dresses at a bridal shop, but I realized that actually seemed super stressful.  As a "plus-size" bride, I had very little interest in trying on a bunch of things that might not look good on me and feeling that my body was being critiqued.  I also didn't like the price tag attached to designer dresses or the sweat shop labor behind the more affordable ones.

So I set out to find an affordable, ethical alternative.  After searching in vain for a used dress I liked (difficult in my size), I was recommended a website called HolyClothing.  It's a family-owned business set up in India but with ethical working conditions and extremely reasonable prices.  Their style is very Bohemian, which totally fits my aesthetic, and they carry sizes all the way up to 4X.

I absolutely loved my dress.  It was comfortable, easy to wear, figure-flattering and just 100% "me."  I got lots of compliments on it and felt totally awesome all night.  Best of all?  It cost me $50, a HUGE savings over a more traditional dress.  If you're shopping for a wedding dress, seriously do not be afraid to look outside of traditional venues and choose something that isn't a "wedding" dress! 

I opted out of wearing a veil and instead made a floral crown with silk flowers purchased at Michael's.  I had enough flowers for me and my flower girl as well as boutonnieres for all of the boys.  Altogether I think my supplies ran me around $30 and I still have leftovers if I'm feeling crafty in the future.

The Decor

Like I said earlier, I kept things simple by choosing a venue that was naturally stunning.  The restaurant had an outdoor arbor under trees, so there was lots of lush greenery and flowers growing everywhere.  Inside was also pretty lush, with a waterfall and tons of plants.  Since everything was already so festive, we opted just to do some simple centerpieces and bouquets.

We did all of our flowers ourselves.  I went to Trader Joe's and picked up several bunches of flowers.  All of them were certified by the Rainforest Alliance, which was very important to me, and they were very affordable -- all told, it came out to about $70 for all of the centerpieces and bouquets.  For the centerpieces, I found some great mismatched long-stem vases at Goodwill for 99 cents each.  I added some aquarium rocks to that and paid about $20 for all of those accessories.  My maid of honor did most of the arranging; I picked out blooms I thought looked nice together, and she made it look gorgeous.

The leftover flowers were used to decorate the cake, which also turned out beautiful.  We just left all of our scraps out for the cake lady, who put this together in a few minutes and pretty effortlessly made it look like we'd planned it that way all along.

Other Touches

• We did our own music with an iPod and the venue's PA system.  I put together a playlist that was meaningful to us (in our case, theme songs from every anime we've watched together as a couple) and it required minimal tinkering to keep things going smoothly.  
• I skipped the wedding favors and nobody seemed to notice or care.  Lots of people brought home flowers at the end of the night, which made me happy since they got some extra use.  
• I bought all of the invitations through VistaPrint, spending about $70 for 100 invitations.  They turned out great and were much less work than the home-printed route I had originally planned.  
• I wrote and designed the wedding program myself, printing it and our guest tree at FedEx for about $80.  We got the tree mounted so it could be hung up.  I will say that the finished product certainly didn't look like the ones on Pinterest, but it has a lot of personality :) 

Anyway, that's a glance at how we did things.  I hope this gave you a bit of inspiration.  If you have any experiences you'd like to share, please feel free to drop them in the comments! 

Moving: Non-Consumer Wins and Fails

Well, I've gotten mostly settled into the new house and have my internet turned on, so I should be back into the swing of things soon. 

Moving itself was an experience (as it always is).  Though I tried to be mindful during the move, some things invariably were sacrificed to the altar of convenience.  All told, the move was full non-consumer wins and fails: 

Wins: 

• I successfully purged a lot of unwanted items and dropped off a total of about 10 boxes to the thrift store.
• I gave my perishable and hard to pack groceries to a neighbor in exchange for her helping with some clean-up. 
• I packed my breakables in dish towels and other reusable materials; I also used some trash bags as filler and can re-use them now as actual trash bags.  
• I managed to find moving boxes for free at Target (although it got dicey and looked for a while that we'd have to buy them -- it's getting HARD to find free boxes).  

Fails: 

• We've eaten out entirely too much during the move -- it's time to rein that back in now that the kitchen is unpacked.  No more excuses! 
• I caved in and bought some convenience items, including some cleaning supplies and frozen pizzas.  
• We also fell into the lure of half-price shakes at Sonic.  For shame!

One money-spending thing I did that turned out to be a smart idea: Hiring "moving helpers" to unload the truck.  It cost about $80 for an hour of work, but the two guys did all the work for me and saved us the trouble and exhausting work of unpacking the truck the same day we'd packed it and driven it down.  That was money well-spent.

The biggest fail, consumer or otherwise, of the move?

Realizing -- two hours into my drive -- that I had totally left the dirty litter box in the hall closet of the old apartment.  

I'd had every intention of cleaning it and packing it up last and somehow it just...never happened.  Whoops.  That will be a fun surprise for someone later. 

On Packing, Purging and Prioritizing

We've recently been blessed with a run of good fortune and an opportunity to rent a house from my parents, which allows us to get into a better neighborhood and larger space than we could otherwise afford right now as well as allowing us to live closer to my own aging parents.  Win-win for everyone.

The move more-or-less coincides with our upcoming wedding as well, which means that we have a very busy, hectic time ahead of us with all the packing and planning, not to mention how quickly your social calendar tends to fill up at times like this.  I've been loving every minute of it, of course, but it is definitely exhausting.

Anyway, I decided to kill two birds with one stone this week and invited a friend of mine over to stay for a few days.  We don't see each other often, so having a couple of days to really catch up was nice.  While she was here, I recruited her to help me do some packing and purging, in preparation for the upcoming move.  Together, we jammed out to some Irish punk music and sorted through boxes, making "keep" and "donate" piles and clearing out lots of trash.  (At one point, I found a day planner from when I was in high school, and a syllabus from one of my college classes -- weird how things can hide and multiply in the corners when you're not looking).

My cat thought he would help with the sorting, too

All told, we reduced the contents of the hall closet by about a third.

My fiance and I had toyed with the idea of holding a yard sale, but I think we ultimately vetoed the plan for a few reasons:

1. It's overwhelmingly hot here -- it's hit upward of 105 by noon every day this week.
2. We're in an apartment complex that's not very well-suited to stranger traffic.  
3. We don't necessarily *want* to attract stranger traffic -- this is not exactly a great neighborhood, and I don't know that I want to advertise to the area that I'm moving and may have some nice things.  

So it looks like I have a few trips to the thrift store in my future over the next couple of days.

All of this packing and purging has been sort of fun, but it has caused a bit of inner turmoil at the intersection of "non-consumer" and "zero waste" when it comes to some items -- namely, the things that I can't donate as they're in poor condition.  I tend to wear my belongings into the ground, and once I'm done with them, I'm never sure what the best way to dispose of them might be. 

Presently, that list of items includes a couch and two recliners -- all of which were either free or purchased cheaply from a thrift store.  All are very old-fashioned.  All also happen to have a number of tears from heavy use and bite marks from a certain mischievous puppy who shall not be named. 

Who, me?

I'll be posting an ad to Craigslist, Freecycle and the local swap meet page on Facebook, but if I don't get any takers, I'm not quite sure what I'll end up doing with these things.  Any suggestions?